"The turning point in the process of growing up is when you
discover the core strength within you that survives all hurt." ~Unknown
The day started with the recognition of spring approaching. The air is mild and the snow is half-melted and crunchy. The sun was glowing red on the faces of all the high-rises as I walked down Wellesley to work. It's a new day and it feels like a new season.
Yesterday I was devastated. Today I'm at peace.
In the past I have always blamed myself. I'd think that I wasn't pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough etc. None of that has occurred to me this time.
I did go home yesterday and cry. I hadn't cried since I found out. My friends have been my saving grace. There was no shortage of people for me to lean on.
Auntie Carol, Frances, Kate, Karen, Greg, Darnell, Lisa and Jason all have helped me tremendously. It has reaffirmed for me that I have a great group of friends that I can count on.
I realized that I had all the answers I needed back in December when I last saw him. We were sitting around my living room and we were picking through this box which had a zillion slips of paper in it each with a quotation on it. He pulled two out and handed them to me. One read "Silence is sometimes the answer." and the other said "Friends are God's way of taking care of us." So there I had it on two slips of paper his answer and how I should deal with it. Life has all sorts of ironic twists in store for us.
My friends have been tremendous and they are the reason I'm at peace with the situation now. I can forgive the hurt and I wish him well. I don't hate him. I'm not jealous. I don't wish things could be different. I accept what has passed and I know everything happens for a reason.
I consider him a friend even if he doesn't want the same. I still think he's amazing. He's just not my person as I had once hoped.
2 comments:
I think you are right. Everything does happen for a reason even though, we might not find out what exactly the reason was until quite some time later.
You are very lucky to have such great friends and family to help you through this. It is quite the amazing change from your previous entry. I am happy for you that you have dealt with your pain so quickly.
Thank you.
My entry may sound like a complete 180 from the day before, but I'm not perfectly fine. It still hurts like hell I just have accepted that things cannot be different. The situation has become complicated and now I know it's not my place to be in the middle of it.
I just know I'm gonna be ok.
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